Tip #8

Bring meds, and be up to date on your immunizations.

I don't really want to go into the mucky details of this meds aspect...but just plan for anything that may happen, and if you have the ability, grab whatever you might need to self-medicate. I have saved myself from 4 expensive doctor's office trips simply by coming prepared (thanks to Uncle Lloyd and his generous donations of antibiotics). 

I can't say I was so lucky regarding the immunizations.

Stupid rusty nail. Whoever decided you needed to be in my walking path, anyway? And why on earth did you decide to jut all the way through my perfectly good flip flop AND into my foot? I know…I didn't have my contacts in. And I know I was focusing on grabbing my Houdini chicken. But did I really deserve the rusty-nail-through-your-foot-tetanus-scare?  

My mom, the vengeful - I mean helpful - nurse.

Of course as soon as I realized what an idiot I was, I ran through my memory trying to determine my last tetanus vaccination. All I could remember was being in eighth grade, driving back from the doctor’s office with my mom, telling her how I couldn’t possibly go back to school because the excruciating pain in my arm made it impossible to write (and, I wasn’t lying, it DID hurt. I may have fabricated the extent of the pain to better promote a day off of school, but it DID hurt). Of course, she, a calloused nurse and daughter of a strong-as-an-ox father, reminded me that I had been immunized in my left arm, not my right, and that actually using my arm would make it feel better, faster. She actually made me do lifting exercises with the arm to, as she said, ‘help disburse the vaccine into my muscle’. I felt like the only thing she was trying to disburse was some sadistic vengeance on instances of past disobedience.

I couldn’t remember ever being in that much pain (over a shot) since that time, so I realized I was way past due on my tetanus immunization. Why hadn’t I thought of this before I came to Bonaire? Immediately, the images of twisted, bent-in-half people from my ninth grade biology book came to life in my mind. I felt the wound in my foot suddenly become menacingly hot, searing fear throughout my body. It was twisting me, I could already see my body bent in half - my jaw smashed shut.

Panicking, I grabbed Bronson and raced to my McDreamy. In already clenching jaws I described my morbid adversary, and confirmed my forthcoming death.

Thankfully, my McDreamy is a very patient and compassionate man. He sensed my urgency, and skipped his class to scour out professionals capable of reclaiming me from my assured demise. After a visit to the hospital, where I decided my life was not worth a $250 deposit for an emergency room tetanus shot, and a visit to a health clinic that only did shots on children (and apparently would not make exceptions, even for dying individuals), we found a clinic that provided said death-denying treatment for $50. Oh - and a really sore arm.

It wasn’t until later that day that my McDreamy explained to me how rare tetanus actually is, and how he had stepped on many a rusty nail (as his father was a roofer) with no tetanus shots, nor any resulting tetanus to show for them. That’s why I married him, though – when I am in need, he patiently and compassionately helps, despite how crazy and imaginative I may become.

Oh – and my mother would be proud. Following her advice, after receiving this life-saving shot I went swimming, hard and long. Three days in a row. You would think that would be enough to ‘disburse’ that lousy vaccine, but you would be wrong. My arm still hurts, two weeks after the shot.

But I guess a sore arm is better than dying the slow, aching, twisted death that I was absolutely destined for after stepping on that pitiless nail.

I guess $50 and a sore arm is worth that.