Sunday, February 6, 2011

Tip #4


Buy Damp-Rid pouches.

And Milton's sterilizing tablets.

And Lysol.

And don't bring your McDreamy's nice suit to Bonaire.

Or anything, for that matter, that you don't want to get moldy.

Yes: mold. What is it? I don't know - I'm not a biologist. I'm a mom with an education and psychology background. So, while I could probably psychoanalyze its painful history of abuse and degrading labeling, I cannot explain how it appeared, in its milk-white, splotchy form, all over my husband's dress shoes and black Sunday suit.

I thought mold only grew in the back corners of my fridge, in Tupperwares filled with the less-than-successful meals I felt too guilty about throwing away...

But I guess when it rains every day for five months, in a climate that never goes below 85 degrees Fahrenheit, and in an apartment whose windows and doors leak profusely, white, splotchy, smell-like-your-grandma mold appears on all articles of clothing and shoes. And black shows it especially well.

But never fear. You came prepared.

Take the suit to the dry cleaner. Soak all stained clothes in Milton's sterilizing tablets. Wash all musty clothes. Hang to dry in hot sun (or dry in a hot dryer, if you have that luxury). Clean all surfaces with bleach water. Spray all surfaces with Lysol. Hang damp-rids (bags with silicon beads) in your apartment. Throw or give away all clothing you never wear. Get suit back from cleaners. Revel in its clean, black, non-smelly-ness. Wash all clothes, because now the non-musty ones are musty. Spray the air conditioner with Lysol - yes - it is the reason your clothes are musty again. Go through your clothes again, this time folding and storing clothes you want to keep, but never wear. Clean all surfaces with bleach water. Spray every surface with Lysol. Yes. Again.

You may think you are done...but no my friend. Mold is like a cancer - it lurks, unawares, growing, without notice or trace, until it is beyond control. You must not become complacent - never consider yourself 'mold-free'. It is just this mentality that made you do two full loads of laundry and deep cleanings rather than just one. Instead, do a systematic chemotherapy of wafting every article of clothing you own (especially the ones that you said you would wear, but don't) and rewash any that smell questionable. Also, watch your son carefully to ensure he doesn't wipe grubby fingers in unseen areas...or hide pieces of food (raisins) in areas you don't often sweep.

Oh, and the shoes.

I just left them outside on our roof for a while. After one rain, and a lot of sun, and they seem to be back to normal.


Happy de-molding!

1 comment:

  1. LOL....love your blog...you should consider changing careers....novelist is your new calling

    ReplyDelete